Over Labeled

To my dear parents... I advice you not to read this, but if you do continue its your choice.

I've never been much of a touchy feely person.
I wasn't really a huggy person as a kid. My mum describes me as all elbows and knees... so I'm guessing I just wasn't soft and couldn't stay still for hugs :P
When I grew older, I was even less touchy and feely. I think this is because of all my bullying and maybe even some of my violent nightmares.

The idea of sex terrified me when I was about 14 years of age. I think it was because all of nightmares about rape, and the fact that people very rarely touched me plesently (aka I was hurt a lot).
In the end though, I guess I had great friends and two great boyfriends (one is still my boyfriend) and...they helped me. My friends at school made me more huggy and so on, so I've spent the last three or four years hugging a lot of people and joking that I've been making up for lost time. My boyfriends always understood that I was...worried and let me do everything in my time.
So I guess the end bit is and the reason I didn't want my parents to read this is.. I'm not scared of sex anymore. Actually I'm not a virgin anymore and have sex quite consitently with my wonderful boy friend now.

Soo in the end even though I was never touchy through my whole life I'm fine with sex now and I love to hug people. I hug total strangers now. :D

So don't worry if you child doesn't like to hug. Just give them time and support :D

I HATE the phrase Aspergers Syndrome.
Sure you have labeled me with Aspergers but really it just means I'm me. I just see the world differently, who cares? I don't have no fucking problem with me!

You know what I hate more then Aspergers Syndrome...when people call it a disease. There is nothing wrong with me and you CANT catch it off me..

*sigh*
I feel like some people can be so ignorant and insensitive.

So I went to my friend's birthday party and we were supposed to dress up as what we were like as a child... at least thats how I remember it

anyway.. I thought it would be really funny to photocopy all the doctors and physcologists notes on me, then cut them out and pretty much stick them to my outfit. This was showing that me as a child was over labeled and well considered too different for society.
I also thought some of the stuff that the doctors said was quite hilarious, for example many of them mentioned how clumsy I am. I mean I know I'm clumsy and all but was I THAT bad? XD

Anyway I guess this shows a bit of my aspergus and you know how I look back at being taken to so many doctors *shrug*
Think what you will of it, I just find it humorous.

-Aura

I've always been a bit... too honest :P

and well I'm starting to wonder how much of my life I'm willing to share on this blog :P
I'm honestly a bit scared for my friends who aren't that close to read all this information... but at the same time I want to be able to help people and I don't know, writing this seems to be theraputic in away.

I guess all I can ask is if you are reading this and know me... please don't judge me too harshly.
All I'm trying to do is help others.

-Aura

It's funny people these days don't even recognize I have aspergers even if they totally understand what it is.
I was interviewing this 6 year old boy with aspergers for some script work and his mother totally didn't I had aspergers till I told her. She then looked at me like I was some kind of hope... that her child would be like me one day. I'm not totally sure if thats a good thing :P

I told her, and what I'm telling you is, even though my aspergers if not as obvious anymore, I do still have it. I still have some random trouble about getting in conversations and getting how some things people do are fun. I'm still weird and different, but I've accepted all of this.

I may have aspergers but in the end it just means I'm me... having a label put on me doesn't change that fact. I still have to deal with my problems, faults and incapilities just like everyone else. It's like sure I might not be the best person with understanding what to do when someone is upset but I do know how to get people to laugh.

-Aura

Depression runs in my family.

On my dads side its my:

• Grandfather
• Grandmother
• Uncle

The only reason my dad doesn't seem to have depression is because he runs every single day.

On my mothers side they have a bit of depression but mostly anxiety.
On her side its my:

• Grandfather
• Aunt
• Some of my cousins
• my mother

I have the serious depression which seems to run in my fathers family and my brother has the anxiety problems as well as a bit of depression.

I got really bad depression when I was in year 9 or so. I had fallen in love with my best friend, and he reminded me every single day that he didnt love me. He also told me about all the girls he liked. So in the end, I became suicidal. I hated my life...
To get over my depression, I had to stop being in contact with him. I also started on anti-depressents. I'm now a lot happier person. I got back in contact with him when I wasn't suicical and figured out... well he was a bit of a self obsessed douche (When I first talked to him after I overcame suicide he asked me to call him a genius again... I mean he couldn't be more self obsessed if he tried). I didn't want to be friends with him anymore, so I'm not now. Honestly now, I still kinda just want to slap him for the way he treated me. I guess thats just a bit of anger left over though.

Anyway I'm a very happy person now and hardly really get upset. I might not LOVE my life but I do like it and I do defientely see reasons for living.

...Yep thats about it :P
Signing offffffff
-Aura

My mother had taken me to lots of doctors, it was when I was about 7, when I was in Holland that I was diagnosed with ADHD.

It made a lot of sense but there were also bits missing, which I guess was the aspergers.

I took ritalin till I was about 12 years old and then my parents took me off it because they heard rumours about it being cancer inducing and so on. Then I guess I trained myself to concentrate and calm myself down.

I'm now able to be less hyper without ritalin except when I'm really tired or really excited. Then I get quite hyper and I can't control the volume of my voice.

People see me as a hyper person but only ever guess I have ADHD when they joke about me being ADD and then I say yeah I am, you just forgot the hyper bit in it.

Soo yep thats me and my ADHD

So I figured out I had Aspergers when I was about 11 years old.

My mother really figured it out, obviously, but the way we knew I had Aspergers was because of the fact that I had minimal social skills, I had a LARGE obsession on animals, I had problems understanding other people and so on.... So yeah I got tested and it was aspergers.

I joined an Aspergers group with other young boys who have Aspergers (boys are more likely to have aspergers then girls), and made some friends with people like me and it made me feel better about myself. I felt like I belonged. :)

Soo thats my Aspergers I guess... :)

I have sleeping problems.
It takes me ages to fall alseep, aka I stay awake for 3hrs staring at the ceiling getting frustrated at myself.
I have horrible nightmares, so horrible people think that maybe I was traumatised as a child. I'll simply describe one so you understand. I had a dream that I saw my reflection in a mirror but then it grabbed me out and pulled me in the mirror. It quickly took my place in the real world and smiled evilly and walked off to kill my loved ones. I screamed and hit my fists against the mirrors reflection over and over again hearing the screams. My fists started to bleed as I kept hitting the mirrors wall. Soo yeah bad :P

Sooo I have been to sleep doctors and clinics and everything and they don't seem to really have a name for what I have. All they know is that I get 3.7% REM sleep when most people get 20% REM sleep. So in the end I just call it Insmonia because then I don't have to give this long explanation and people just get that I'm tired a lot of the time :P

So yep thats my sleeping problems for you :P

I will stay awake to 3am...like now and then wake up at noon... and its horrible because I miss hanging out with friends or sometimes miss Uni classes if I sleep through my alarm. I sometimes even sleep into like 4pm and its ridiculous and I know it...
Also the fact that I sometimes can't sleep to like 3am is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend as he wants to sleep at like midnight... so I'm just in the bed with him staring at the ceiling trying to sleep.... it can be annoying at times.

I think thats everything...
got any questions just ask and I'll answer it in a new post :)

Sooo I believe I'm going to post my posts randomly in no real order as thats how my thoughts work. If you want I can make a time line or something but I can't be bothered too unless someone tells me they want it.

I just feel that by reading my posts you may be able to learn something such as how people with aspergers feel in the world, how to cope with stuff, how people like in me can survive in this world and stuff such as that...

Maybe you wont understand why I have created this....but thats fair enough, I'm not totally sure myself :)

I hope you don't mind the way I post and hope you enjoy this weird ass blog :)

So I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to write this blog... I think I'm just going to tell you bits about my life, how I'm doing, and any knowledge I have picked up along the way about coping and just being who you are.

Honestly I have no idea... I just came up with this idea now, at 3am. (Proof if I have Insomnia, if you needed some XD)

But I hope you do enjoy reading this blog and in some way it will help you or at least entertain you.

-Aura

Soooo just some information about me.

My name online is Aura Redwood as I don't like to share my real name as I seem to have enough stalkers as it is

I like:

• Anime
• Comics
• Writing
• Reading
• Animals
• Slurpees
  
• Hanging out with my friends
• My BF, Spike
• My family

I dislike:

• Unecessary pain
• Bullies
• Band aids
• Users

I lived in Australia for 6 years, moved to Holland (the nertherlands) lived there for 4 years (till I was ten), moved to Singapore for 5 years (till I was 15) and now I'm back in Australia.

I have a mother, father and younger brother called Callum.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I call Spike but his real name is Michael.

I have 2 dogs, a cat and a fish.

Hmmm thats all information I feel like you need to know or might want to know to understand my blog posts :P

Hope you get something from my blog

Hey all,
My name is Aura Redwood (well not my real name as I don't want creepy stalkers and so forth) and I'm writing this blog for a couple of reasons but I guess the main one is for those people out there who are worried about their child because they are different.

Different isn't a bad thing and I'm here to prove it.

Through my childhood I have been labeled over and over again...so much that I joke that I have been over labeled.. I have:

-Aspergers
-ADHD
-Insomnia
-Depression

but in the end...these are just labels, all I am is just me.
I don't need any stupid labels to tell me who I am. I just know who I am. If anything this labels constrict you and even give you an excuse for your behaviour.

Anyway...
I'm here to tell you parents or whoever wants to read this blog, that it is ok to have Aspergers, ADHD, Insomnia or Depression ... because I have all 4 (and I'm just waiting for another label) and I'm doing just fine.

-Aura