Note: If your child says that he is being teased or bullied, he probably is. Kid's are extremely cruel and seem to have a great sense on instantly finding out who his different and making their life hell. So please do listen to your kids if they say something like they are looking at me funny or something, they might be just imagining it but from my experience... it's just leading up to the real teasing and bullying.
So my latest obsession is what I'm sure is many other peoples latest obsession because it is ALLLLLL over the internet. The obsession is... My Little Pony...
I'm totally in love with My Little Pony lately, and yes it is a children's tv show but the characters, animation and the script is great so I love it to bits. I even made my own OC, Thunder Chaser
Maybe this won't mean much to the general people who I expect to read this blog, as it has nothing to do with me living with my aspergers, adhd, insomnia and depression or anything like that but I guess it does show that having obsessions as someone with Aspergers doesn't really change. The obsessions just change over time ... I may be a bit too obsessed with my own character right now as my boyfriend tells me all I'm talking about is ponies. Nevertheless he doesn't seem to care too much. I guess I'm saying accept that you or the person you will know will really latch on to something and obsess the hell out of it once and a while. It happens. :D
If I hear one more person talk about Aspergers or ADHD like it's a disease... well I'm gonna end up hitting them. There are way too many people who actually go on about well they can't help it, they have a disease. OR people that are actually scared to hang around people like me because they are scared they're actually going to catch what I have.
This truly sickens me. Like I can deal with it and I've learnt how to but to think other kids are going through this just makes me want to hit the people who have these presumptions.
I was at a bible camp studying for the hsc (I'm not relgious but it was the only study camp and I REALLY needed to get some study done) and well we somehow got on to the discussion of Aspergers and how some people with aspergers rather not be around people. No one in that silly little bible group knew I had aspergers and so someone came out and said "Well those people are sick so of course they would want that" and I just looked her in the eyes and said... I have aspergers. Whole room went silent.
So yeah... people seem to actually believe that aspergers or/and adhd is a disease and not only is it an illness but its something you can catch from other people. Something is terribly wrong with this...
When I was 12 years old I was intereviewd for this book called 'Asperger Syndrome, adolescence, and identity' by Harvey Molloy and Latika Vasil. They intereviewed me as a young teenager having Aspergers. You can actually buy the book and read a whole chapter about me (Chapter 4) Sarah's Story. Yeah they gave me a fake name in case I was embaressed about being in the book later on. They also gave my family and friend's fake names...but all the stuff about me is there.
Such as me when I was 12 I told the man interviewing me, 'One friend even emailed me saying, "You're just not my type. You're not the kind of friend who I'd hang around with."' and 'I was tested for ADHD when I was about seven or eight. My Mum thought I acted strangely so I got tested'
It's always interesting to re-read what I said...but some parts also make me feel kinda sad because it reminds me how much people made fun of me for being different. Anyway the books there if you ever want to read it and I guess learn a bit more about me :P
I'm wondering if I should advertise my blog. I mean I've already put my blog up on my facebook (which hardly anyone noticed...) but I mean really advertise. Putting up banners or those little icons on other peoples sites. Writing about it in my journals on the random sites I'm part of.. and so on and so forth...
What do you guys think? Is this a worthy thing to advertise? Will it mean anything to anyone?
So I was at work tonight and I was trying to describe my blog to some co-workers. It was really odd... I guess I've never told them that I have adhd, aspergers, insomnia, depression blah blah blah lol. So they were just standing them looking at me with full interest and in weird silence... it made me feel weird. Like maybe what I was doing was important.. or maybe it was just really odd. Maybe I was just really odd... but then again we already know that IS true.
Anyway what I'm saying is ... trying to describe my blogs to others is really weird and kinda hard. I try to explain that I want to show the view of someone with aspergers because people seem so interested and that I kind of want to help people with aspergers or their parents who are well honestly scared. I guess in the end I'm not totally sure why I'm writing this blog but I do hope that it helps some people.
On the good side my co-worker now said he would check out my blog :) So I guess this post is for you Melvin!
So I got a big can of V yesterday at about 11pm. Not a good idea.... I drank about half of it and I was seriously up to 4 or 5am
It makes me wonder what would have happened if I drank the whole thing lol
I drank a monster shot once a few months ago and I got sooooooo hyper, it also made my heart felt weird so that can't be good.
So I guess in the end what I'm trying to say is someone with ADHD having an energy drink is probably a really bad idea. I want to jump and dance and I can hardly concentrate. I mean its like ADHD x 2 XD
Nevertheless I love those energy drinks and lots of sugar. I mean I'm drinking a slurpee and eating a curly wurly right now XXD
Sorry guys for not posting for ages. Life just got in the way as usual and I guess I really didn't know what to post. Luckily I just made a list of like ten ideas for posts so I will be posting those up over this month :D But if you guys want to know anything or have an idea on what I should post PLEASE tell me ...or I may just run out of ideas again ><
Soooo I'm holding my breath cause I just shared this blog on my facebook to all my friends. (and I mean my friends not just people I add, unlike other people who believe everyone on fb is their friend. Anyway I did the private sharing and sent it only to the people on a list I call 'People I like talking to')
So why am I holding my breath are you asking? Well.... I'm honestly scared that people will judge me
I might not have told this story to many people but ... when I was about in grade 8, I had this best friend who I cant even remember the name of anymore. Anyway she had heard all these rumours of me acting like a wolf when I was a younger and too scared to admit they were true, I said they were all lies.
Then one day we were going into assembly and she was talking about these rumours and I took a deep breath and said some of them were true. She gave me this horrified look and .... she never talked to me again after that.
I guess... I'm just scared the same thing is going to happen again. *sigh* But I guess if you guys can't accept who I am totally, you aren't really my friends... I just really hope you do accept it...
*is scared and waiting*
-Aura
p.s. I'm just scared of sharing it with my friends... go ahead and share it to loads of others. I do want this blog to help other people after all.
'Hi Aura, I knew it took me a longtime to get over being bullied at school. I'm still supersensitive to hearing about bullying and hate get very assertive when people put me down even now. It does get better with time. I especially felt better when other people starting to embrace and appreciate my weird ways .Hang in there! I also have another question (you didn't answer my last one) Anyway, I know someone that is struggling a bit now as a young aspie teen with being bullied at school .Anyway, the teachers are saying the usual line that their behaviour is provoking the other kids . Were there any books, films, groups or anything that helped you embrace your aspie difference and feel better about yourself as a young teen ? Thanks SM'
Well thanks for another question SM The honest answer to this I guess is that just to look for strong characters in books and films. Because in the end all you can really be is strong. The thing that I think that this aspie should know is that it ISNT his fault. Someone teasing him is their fault, not his. If he isn't hurting anyone then how could it be his fault?! Sooo yeah the only advice I can give this young aspie is to remember that they are in the right and to be strong because they are who they are and nothing is going to change it. It's the people who are hurting him because of him being who he is, is in the wrong. They are the ones who need to change their way, not the other way around. They are fine. The others are in the wrong.
So the question was: 'I would like to know how you get on with other people with Aspergers. Do you find yourself making friends more often with Aspies or "neurotypicals " ? How does it feel when you meet others that say they have Aspergers? Thanks -SM'
Well SM, I get along with other people with aspergers better then I guess most other people that don't understand aspergers. I had a best friend with aspergers and we got along very well. Lately I don't have any friends with aspergers though. I do find myself making friends with people that are more 'weird' then 'normal', if thats what you mean. They don't often have aspergers but they are more geeky and weird against others I guess. When people tell me that they have aspergers, I am honestly intrigued and want to be their friend. I sadly learnt from past experience though that not all people with aspergers are nice... so I'm not as enthuasiastic when learning about someone having aspergers as I was before.
Sooo I was walking down the road with my boyfriend one day and this total stranger (and asshole) yelled FREAAAAAAAK from his car while they were driving by.
I instantly assumed it was me for a couple of reasons.. I had been called freak lots of times before at school...and my hair is blue lol
I oftedn joked that I'm a freak of nature and so on but... hearing it again, just like I had heard in school at Singapore. Well it hit something.
I spent the rest of the day or so with an awful feeling in my chest. It's like even though I thought I had gotten over the pain and I was even joking about it, it really never really did seem to stop hurting.
I hate the idea of going back to the times where I was bullied. Every time I feel something or see someone acting the same way they acted to me then, I feel horrible and I'm terrified.
I guess you never really get over being so badly bullied.... but we just have to keep going on :)
When I was about 11 or 12 years old, I was put into the 'slow class' because my school figured that if I have aspergers then I must be stupid.
So I spent a year in this class finishing my work way before everyone and then talking to the guy who didn't even do his work. We then got separated and then so when I finished my work we used to roll bouncy balls to each other across the room behind everyone else.
What I'm really getting at I guess is that just because you have aspergers does NOT mean you are stupid. Sure it might take me longer to understand some things but at most subjects I'm really quite fast.
So don't let the teachers just put your child in this class. In the end when I moved classes, I had to learn a lot of shit because the teacher really didn't teach me everything that the other classes were learning. So the class was really shit and I still feel offended that I was put into it.
When I was younger I was told that I would probably not graduate school (probably because of the HSC years) and I would defientely never graduate Uni.
I have finished school with a UAI of 78 and I got into my Uni degree of choice without even having to go through any loop holes.
Sometimes I think its best not to listen to teachers who know nothing about you (or your child) because they don't know what they are truly capable of.
So I guess what I'm saying here is (and no im not quoting that idiot justin bieber) Never say Never. Just keep believing in your self or your child. Don't set limitations or say that they can't do something. Humans are amazing creatures and we will even surprise ourselves.
Because of my insomnia I often just don't want to sleep. Most people I meet think this is...well crazy. It's the truth though. I honestly wish I could plug myself into a wall like a machine and just you know charge up like a machine. Then when I'm charging I could totally be writing books.
I honestly would just be happy with only having to sleep about 3hrs a day though :P Like if I got 20% REM sleep like everyone else thats all I would have to sleep. Then I could spend the rest of the 21hrs living my life. I especially want this as I feel like I waste a lot of my time by well doing stupid stuff like procastination but also by sleeping in so much because I'm so tired from the stupid 3.7% REM sleep.
I guess I'm just really hoping that one day someone will magically make me able to have 20% REM sleep just like everybody else.
Pretty much each kid with aspergers has an obsession. Mine was animals, or more specifically mammals... or very specifically, wolves.
I fucking love wolves. Like it doesn't matter if I'm all grown up, I still love wolves.
I got over talking about animals all the time when I was about 12...but when I was getting bullied in year 8, I dived into an obsession of xmen.
I got over that when I moved to Australia.
Though I still feel like in the end I have always had one obsession overall. Words. I love words, and I love writing. I want to be a published author. I write graphic novels, comics, scripts, novels and manga. I dream of these getting published or at least read/seen by a lot of people.
So what does this have to do with you? I guess its just me saying, we don't get over obsessions. I still love wolves to death, I still love Xmen, and I still write stories all the time. It doesn't mean its a bad thing, if anything it makes talented at our obsession (as we practice it so much) and therefore we can get a job in what we love :D
So don't worry about your childs obsession, just roll with it
So I thought I would tell you a bit about my life now so you know how I'm doing.
I'm 21. I live in Australia. I have a great loving boyfriend, who is a total gentlemen and is like perfect :P I have good friends. I go to university studying a BA in creative writing I have a job I have a social life I'm trying to become a published author and most importantly I'm happy
thats what I think people would like to know to know that there child could be like this and they so easily can be just keep believing in them
When I was a child no one really thought I would go to university, but here I am studying at one of the best universities in sydney. I also balance my job, assesements, boy friend and my social life. So I think I proved a damn lot of people wrong. :D
I was bullied from pre-school till about year 10. I often joke that I was even bullied when I was a fetus as the doctors tried to get my mother to abort me. (but that was because they thought I had no brain and my mum got angry and went to another doctor and they went...its right here and sooooooo yeah :P)
This obviously isn't enough for you to understand but I guess it's a beginning.
When I was in pre-school, I was bullied just by one person. I was bullied by like one or two people till about grade 6 or so then I could feel the whole year turning on me. It was in year 8 that my whole year did turn on me, they hated my guts. Shunned me. Yelled at me. Teased me. Threw things at me. I once even had to hide in the toilets at lunch time, like in those stupid movies, to get away from their abuse. It only really got better cause I moved countries but I still got bullied a bit when I moved to Australia. When I was in year 10 or so I believe it finally stopped.
Its very complicated, I went to 9 schools in my life time and I've lived in 3 different countries but yeah... Here is a small look at it I guess.
What I'm really trying to get across was I was bullied and bullied badly, but in the end it made me into a very strong person. It made me to be able to cope with nearly anything. So I guess in the end... maybe its a good thing I was bullied so consitently...
To my dear parents... I advice you not to read this, but if you do continue its your choice.
I've never been much of a touchy feely person. I wasn't really a huggy person as a kid. My mum describes me as all elbows and knees... so I'm guessing I just wasn't soft and couldn't stay still for hugs :P When I grew older, I was even less touchy and feely. I think this is because of all my bullying and maybe even some of my violent nightmares.
The idea of sex terrified me when I was about 14 years of age. I think it was because all of nightmares about rape, and the fact that people very rarely touched me plesently (aka I was hurt a lot). In the end though, I guess I had great friends and two great boyfriends (one is still my boyfriend) and...they helped me. My friends at school made me more huggy and so on, so I've spent the last three or four years hugging a lot of people and joking that I've been making up for lost time. My boyfriends always understood that I was...worried and let me do everything in my time. So I guess the end bit is and the reason I didn't want my parents to read this is.. I'm not scared of sex anymore. Actually I'm not a virgin anymore and have sex quite consitently with my wonderful boy friend now.
Soo in the end even though I was never touchy through my whole life I'm fine with sex now and I love to hug people. I hug total strangers now. :D
So don't worry if you child doesn't like to hug. Just give them time and support :D
I HATE the phrase Aspergers Syndrome. Sure you have labeled me with Aspergers but really it just means I'm me. I just see the world differently, who cares? I don't have no fucking problem with me!
You know what I hate more then Aspergers Syndrome...when people call it a disease. There is nothing wrong with me and you CANT catch it off me..
*sigh* I feel like some people can be so ignorant and insensitive.
So I went to my friend's birthday party and we were supposed to dress up as what we were like as a child... at least thats how I remember it
anyway.. I thought it would be really funny to photocopy all the doctors and physcologists notes on me, then cut them out and pretty much stick them to my outfit. This was showing that me as a child was over labeled and well considered too different for society. I also thought some of the stuff that the doctors said was quite hilarious, for example many of them mentioned how clumsy I am. I mean I know I'm clumsy and all but was I THAT bad? XD
Anyway I guess this shows a bit of my aspergus and you know how I look back at being taken to so many doctors *shrug* Think what you will of it, I just find it humorous.
and well I'm starting to wonder how much of my life I'm willing to share on this blog :P I'm honestly a bit scared for my friends who aren't that close to read all this information... but at the same time I want to be able to help people and I don't know, writing this seems to be theraputic in away.
I guess all I can ask is if you are reading this and know me... please don't judge me too harshly. All I'm trying to do is help others.
It's funny people these days don't even recognize I have aspergers even if they totally understand what it is. I was interviewing this 6 year old boy with aspergers for some script work and his mother totally didn't I had aspergers till I told her. She then looked at me like I was some kind of hope... that her child would be like me one day. I'm not totally sure if thats a good thing :P
I told her, and what I'm telling you is, even though my aspergers if not as obvious anymore, I do still have it. I still have some random trouble about getting in conversations and getting how some things people do are fun. I'm still weird and different, but I've accepted all of this.
I may have aspergers but in the end it just means I'm me... having a label put on me doesn't change that fact. I still have to deal with my problems, faults and incapilities just like everyone else. It's like sure I might not be the best person with understanding what to do when someone is upset but I do know how to get people to laugh.
The only reason my dad doesn't seem to have depression is because he runs every single day.
On my mothers side they have a bit of depression but mostly anxiety. On her side its my:
Grandfather
Aunt
Some of my cousins
my mother
I have the serious depression which seems to run in my fathers family and my brother has the anxiety problems as well as a bit of depression.
I got really bad depression when I was in year 9 or so. I had fallen in love with my best friend, and he reminded me every single day that he didnt love me. He also told me about all the girls he liked. So in the end, I became suicidal. I hated my life... To get over my depression, I had to stop being in contact with him. I also started on anti-depressents. I'm now a lot happier person. I got back in contact with him when I wasn't suicical and figured out... well he was a bit of a self obsessed douche (When I first talked to him after I overcame suicide he asked me to call him a genius again... I mean he couldn't be more self obsessed if he tried). I didn't want to be friends with him anymore, so I'm not now. Honestly now, I still kinda just want to slap him for the way he treated me. I guess thats just a bit of anger left over though.
Anyway I'm a very happy person now and hardly really get upset. I might not LOVE my life but I do like it and I do defientely see reasons for living.
My mother had taken me to lots of doctors, it was when I was about 7, when I was in Holland that I was diagnosed with ADHD.
It made a lot of sense but there were also bits missing, which I guess was the aspergers.
I took ritalin till I was about 12 years old and then my parents took me off it because they heard rumours about it being cancer inducing and so on. Then I guess I trained myself to concentrate and calm myself down.
I'm now able to be less hyper without ritalin except when I'm really tired or really excited. Then I get quite hyper and I can't control the volume of my voice.
People see me as a hyper person but only ever guess I have ADHD when they joke about me being ADD and then I say yeah I am, you just forgot the hyper bit in it.
So I figured out I had Aspergers when I was about 11 years old.
My mother really figured it out, obviously, but the way we knew I had Aspergers was because of the fact that I had minimal social skills, I had a LARGE obsession on animals, I had problems understanding other people and so on.... So yeah I got tested and it was aspergers.
I joined an Aspergers group with other young boys who have Aspergers (boys are more likely to have aspergers then girls), and made some friends with people like me and it made me feel better about myself. I felt like I belonged. :)
I have sleeping problems. It takes me ages to fall alseep, aka I stay awake for 3hrs staring at the ceiling getting frustrated at myself. I have horrible nightmares, so horrible people think that maybe I was traumatised as a child. I'll simply describe one so you understand. I had a dream that I saw my reflection in a mirror but then it grabbed me out and pulled me in the mirror. It quickly took my place in the real world and smiled evilly and walked off to kill my loved ones. I screamed and hit my fists against the mirrors reflection over and over again hearing the screams. My fists started to bleed as I kept hitting the mirrors wall. Soo yeah bad :P
Sooo I have been to sleep doctors and clinics and everything and they don't seem to really have a name for what I have. All they know is that I get 3.7% REM sleep when most people get 20% REM sleep. So in the end I just call it Insmonia because then I don't have to give this long explanation and people just get that I'm tired a lot of the time :P
So yep thats my sleeping problems for you :P
I will stay awake to 3am...like now and then wake up at noon... and its horrible because I miss hanging out with friends or sometimes miss Uni classes if I sleep through my alarm. I sometimes even sleep into like 4pm and its ridiculous and I know it... Also the fact that I sometimes can't sleep to like 3am is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend as he wants to sleep at like midnight... so I'm just in the bed with him staring at the ceiling trying to sleep.... it can be annoying at times.
I think thats everything... got any questions just ask and I'll answer it in a new post :)
Sooo I believe I'm going to post my posts randomly in no real order as thats how my thoughts work. If you want I can make a time line or something but I can't be bothered too unless someone tells me they want it.
I just feel that by reading my posts you may be able to learn something such as how people with aspergers feel in the world, how to cope with stuff, how people like in me can survive in this world and stuff such as that...
Maybe you wont understand why I have created this....but thats fair enough, I'm not totally sure myself :)
I hope you don't mind the way I post and hope you enjoy this weird ass blog :)
So I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to write this blog... I think I'm just going to tell you bits about my life, how I'm doing, and any knowledge I have picked up along the way about coping and just being who you are.
Honestly I have no idea... I just came up with this idea now, at 3am. (Proof if I have Insomnia, if you needed some XD)
But I hope you do enjoy reading this blog and in some way it will help you or at least entertain you.
My name online is Aura Redwood as I don't like to share my real name as I seem to have enough stalkers as it is
I like:
Anime
Comics
Writing
Reading
Animals
Slurpees
Hanging out with my friends
My BF, Spike
My family
I dislike:
Unecessary pain
Bullies
Band aids
Users
I lived in Australia for 6 years, moved to Holland (the nertherlands) lived there for 4 years (till I was ten), moved to Singapore for 5 years (till I was 15) and now I'm back in Australia.
I have a mother, father and younger brother called Callum.
I have a wonderful boyfriend who I call Spike but his real name is Michael.
I have 2 dogs, a cat and a fish.
Hmmm thats all information I feel like you need to know or might want to know to understand my blog posts :P
Hey all, My name is Aura Redwood (well not my real name as I don't want creepy stalkers and so forth) and I'm writing this blog for a couple of reasons but I guess the main one is for those people out there who are worried about their child because they are different.
Different isn't a bad thing and I'm here to prove it.
Through my childhood I have been labeled over and over again...so much that I joke that I have been over labeled.. I have:
but in the end...these are just labels, all I am is just me. I don't need any stupid labels to tell me who I am. I just know who I am. If anything this labels constrict you and even give you an excuse for your behaviour.
Anyway... I'm here to tell you parents or whoever wants to read this blog, that it is ok to have Aspergers, ADHD, Insomnia or Depression ... because I have all 4 (and I'm just waiting for another label) and I'm doing just fine.
